Social Emotional Relationship Building in the Classroom

Have you ever worked with a classroom of kids who can't agree on anything? Students who are constantly arguing or bickering with one another? How about received 20 social skills referral from the same classroom? If so, you may have wondered how to hit the "start over" button on the year and go back to when the students were first getting to know one another. Alas, we don't have a do-over button so it's time to implement a new core social emotional learning plan for the class. Here are some tips:

Create Community Building Opportunities

The more that students feel connected to each other and their teacher, the more likely they are to buy into classroom norms around how they treat each other. Introduce activities that are fun and engaging while increasing the connection between classmates. This could be during academic instruction but also might include some fun icebreaker activities. One of my favorites is to give students some paper and tape and ask them to build the highest tower possible. There are so many skills embedded in this activity! If relationship skills are low, consider mini-lessons on working together before you start. Continue offering the opportunity for fun, group, engagement to keep that feeling of connection going.

Treat Your Classroom Like a Community

In positive communities, citizens work together, contribute, and have a say in how things are run. Give students jobs that matter so that they know they are contributing, allow students leadership roles, and ask questions about their thoughts and opinions. Think about the best job you've ever had - I bet you felt you were contributing and you had some autonomy. 

Honor the Positive

You get more of what you focus on. Pay attention to the good things that your students are doing and comment on how that positivity affects the rest of the class. Students will notice that you are paying attention and (most) will recreate the positive behavior that merited your positive attention. Be specific and call out the positive consequences of their behavior. This also models positive behavior for students. Basically, stop trying to tell them to not say mean things and instead build up their capacity to see the good in each other and to feel like they are a part of the classroom!

Consider Explicit Instruction

It's possible that students are in conflict because they lack the skills they need. If you (or the classroom teacher) are noticing a high number of the same types of incidents, create a plan to explicitly teach the skills they need. I call this "responsive core," core instruction given to all students because of an observation of a skill deficit.

​In one classroom I worked with, the students had lost their routines and procedures and it was causing a lot of chaos and disengagement for the class. In response, the teacher and I rearranged the furniture over the weekend and had a pretend "first day of school." The class spent the day learning about processes and procedures again. Amazingly, the loved it and thought it was so fun! In another class I worked with, the students lacked conflict resolution skills. I taught a conflict resolution lesson then created an agreement with the class to follow the conflict resolution steps. It really worked and the kids were able to *more* independently problem solve on their own. 

What are your go to tips for helping classrooms that have gotten off-track socially and emotionally? I want to expand my list!