Resolving conflicts with others may be life's greatest social emotional skill. Avoiding conflict, seeking conflict, mishandling conflict is tough for many an adult (raises hand). It's especially hard for kids who are also mastering a long list of other social emotional skills like self-regulation, managing strong feelings, and problem solving. Because of this, I've avoided peer mediation. Also, because I'm lazy because here's the thing - peer mediation is hard. It's not easier than handling it yourself. But it is valuable. It empowers your mediators as leaders but it also empowers the students resolving conflict to seek help from peers and to handle this tough thing.

As always, I've tried to include everything you need here to get you started. If you're interested in purchasing the materials ready made, you can find them on my TpT store all nicely organized for you.

Always start with core! We want our peer mediators to be wonderful conflict resolution leaders but that will work best if all students have the skills. In this series, we'll teach 2 classroom lessons on handling emotions and resolving conflict. 

Lesson 1

• Intro feelings - feelings can be big or small. Give students a list of feelings and ask them to rank in order of intensity. For example: bummed, disappointed, mad, angry, furious
• Domino Effect - show a cool video of dominos. Explain the concept of "domino effect" - it can seem inevitable, but remove one domino and the whole thing stops. This can happen with emotions too! 
• Cause and Effect - we each have actions that are related to emotions. For example, you are angry, you might shout; you are sad, you might cry, you are annoyed, you might roll your eyes. Some actions are healthy and some are unhealthy. We might need to use strategies to stop the dominos when we have unhealthy actions related to behavior. 
• Brainstorm Strategies - ask students to write strategies they use for managing emotions. Collect all post-its. Place posters around the room with different emotions and redistribute (appropriate) post-its to groups of students. Ask them to connect strategies to the feelings that would be the best fit. For example, deep breaths for angry or talk it out for nervous. 
• Role Play - if you have time, consider a role play to practice different strategies!

Let the fun begin! When peer mediators are selected, they participate in 3 small group lessons to practice their mediation skills and learn what it means to be a peer mediator. The entire peer mediation process will vary greatly from school to school based on logistics, so I've tried to include some ideas to help you think it through. 

Peer Mediation Practice 1
The first practice lesson includes an inclusion activity and introductions. At this time, we establish norms and really work on working as a team. We spend time thinking about the importance of reputation of peer mediators:

• What does reputation mean?
• Why is reputation important?
• What characteristics make a good mediator?
• What does confidentiality mean?
• Is condifentiality important for peer mediators? Why?

As a culminating activity, we make posters advertising peer mediation to hang when we're ready to start accepting "clients."

Peer Mediation Practice 2
Time to practice! Using the steps of conflict resolution from Lesson 2, we practice peer mediation in groups of three. One person is the role play peer mediator and two people play participants. Each group will have the same scenario for each of three rounds. I created "Let's Resolve our Conflict" table tents to support the process. Following each round, prompt students to give feedback on the role play with sentence starters:

• It was really helpful when you __________________.
• I was confused when __________________.
• An idea to make our session even better is ________________.

In scenario 3, I tried to create a tough situation where the peer mediator may need to seek help from an adult. Some groups won't reach that conclusion but most of the time, at least one group will need help. This is a reason to celebrate! They will need help sometimes and that's OK. 

Peer Mediation Practice 3
We're ready for nuts and bolts. For practice 3, we go over the process and expectation for peer mediation. The process for peer mediation is very unique to your setting. Here are some prompts to consider when introducing process to your students:

• How will students self-refer to peer mediation?
• Can staff members refer students to peer mediation? can administrators choose peer mediation as a result of a discipline referral if both students agree to it?
• When will peer mediation take place?
• How will you document which students participate and the outcome of their participation?
• How long will each peer mediation last?
• What is the schedule for peer mediators? Will multiple sessions occur at once or will mediators rotate through one at a time?
• Do you plan to use conflict resolution notes (taken by mediators during the session), agreement cards (participants write their agreement as a reminder), post-resolution surveys?

​Finally, we spend some more time practicing with mediators thinking up their own scenarios. If you feel like your mediators aren't ready, add more practice sessions until they are!

I think it's important to consider the goal of peer mediation when reflecting on its success. For a long time, I thought it was supposed to be a time saver for me - that students working with other students would help me to get more conflicts resolved with less time. Yeah, that is definitely not the case. Most of the time, it's the same amount of work but, this time, students are getting more out of it because the goal is really learning to resolve conflicts independently. It's actually not about me, go figure. 

As always, I've tried to include everything you need here to get you started. If you're interested in purchasing the materials ready made, you can find them on my TpT store all nicely organized for you.

Recently, I've been hearing a lot of push back on the idea of Positive Behavioral Intervention and Supports (PBIS) as a framework for tiered behavior support. I was kind of curious, because really, if you are implementing MTSS, you aren't far from being a "PBIS school." So I asked around. The biggest complaint? Reinforcers. Lots of people think PBIS and they think tickets/dollars/dojos with school stores and big huge individual reinforcement initiatives. 

Guess what? Nobody has time for that. I mean, I guess they do, but I was never up for it. At the schools where I've worked, we've implemented Class Compliments. Just like it sounds, classes can earn compliments for any whole-class behavior that happens outside of their classroom: walking in the halls, time in specials, cafeteria, playground, etc. When the class earns 100 compliments, they earn a reward like pajama day, extra recess, or lunch outside. Easy peasy.

To introduce, we had the counselors and administrators go to each room for a "kick off." We explained the system, gave each class a compliment card, and hyped up the rewards. The compliment cards changed through the years but always had 100 squares/stars/circles that could be colored in when the class returned to the classroom. Anytime the class was out and about, they could earn compliments. To help you out, I've included one at the bottom of this post (may not be visible on mobile). 

We also had to hype up the program with our staff. Compliments are only fun if you earn them! We had to get in the habit of saying "Mrs. Atkins, your class is walking so nicely down the hall." We wanted the compliments to be specific to the positive behavior. In specials, classes could earn up to 4 compliments each class. All of the specialists had different procedures for how this was handled. My favorite was to have a compliment for four specific behaviors and give the compliments specifically for those behaviors. For example, cooperating with your classmates. 

Over the years we got creative! We had a bulletin board that had a football field. For every 100 compliments, your team player would move to the next yard line. Classes that reached 1000 compliments would have their jersey retired. The jerseys were cut out of poster board, had the class' photo on it and all the students got to sign it. About 4-5 classes out of 41 had their jerseys retired each year so it was a big deal! I sure wish I had a picture of it for you, it was super fun.

​How do you support schoolwide behavior at your school? I'd love to hear some new ideas!

Social emotional learning is making a big move right now in education. For counselors, we're nodding our heads and (perhaps) whisper-shouting "I told you so." Hey, let's just appreciate that we were ahead of the game. Where I work, schools are being required to include social emotional learning components in their school improvement plans and several districts in my area are hiring social emotional learning central services staff. I'm thrilled that this whole child approach is getting the spotlight.

At the same time, there's a lot of pressure for counselors to do this right. We may be one of the only people in the building with deep knowledge of social emotional learning best practices. I use the analogy of technology in the classrooms. When we started getting more computers, smart boards, and then iPads (I'm old, don't remind me), the entire staff turned and looked at the technology teacher. Great, they thought, our students can learn technology from that person and I can keep on with my usual. Now, we wouldn't dream of only one person in the building teaching technology as a separate entity from core instruction. I think the same will happen with SEL. It's a heavy lift for counselors right now but eventually we can build the capacity of our whole staff to not just teach SEL but to incorporate social emotional learning into the curriculum as a whole. 

CASEL, the collaborative for academic, social, and emotional learning, are the gurus on SEL right now. I look to them first when I am working on SEL. They look at SEL implementation in four parts:

• SEL lessons with explicit instruction: counselors teach these in their curriculum but teachers do too! When a teacher introduces a project based learning activity to students, they often go over expected behaviors and organizational strategies. That's explicit step-by-step instruction.
• Teaching practices that create positive conditions that support social and emotional development in students: students have to feel emotional and socially safe at school in order to learn social and emotional skills. Culturally responsive instruction is going to be a huge part of this. Schoolwide expectations and tier one practices like PBIS are in this tier as well.
• Integration of instruction and practice of SEL in the academic curriculum: This is more than teaching expected behaviors. This involves actually incorporating SEL competencies into instruction in a meaningful way.
• Policies and organizational structures: When we have policies and structures in place that support SEL as a clear priority for the school they are much more likely to happen.

CASEL has identified 5 core competencies for social emotional learning. They have a great handout that breaks down all of the competencies into skills. What I love about the skills highlighted by CASEL is their broad application. Students must actually have these skills in order to be successful in academics. This isn't fluff. It isn't something nice to "add on." 

I recently led a professional development for a full staff on social emotional learning. Social Emotional Learning is something that all educators can quickly understand and apply if they are given the opportunity to personally reflect and reflect on their classroom practices. After completing a culturally responsive classroom checklist and discussing the components of SEL, the teachers worked in cross grade level teams to complete a "cheat sheet" for each of the competencies. In this activity, the staff answered:

• What competencies/skills are listed under the core competency?
  
• Why it matters - why do students need to have this skills to be successful?
  
• Students will - a list of observable behaviors for students at each grade level.
  
• Teachers will - a list of observable strategies that teachers can implement. This is a great resource for ideas.

Overall it went really well and I think the staff walked away with new learning and reflection. If you'd like to snag the entire presentation and materials, you can find it here. 

Groceries to get, emails to respond to, to-do lists, phone calls to make - does this sound like your brain? Me too. It's the same for kids too. They are thinking about mom snapping at them this morning, the assessment coming up, what they'd rather be doing (lunch), what they should be doing, friend drama, home drama - the list goes on. We are in such a go, go, go moment in the world, it's no wonder that we are all kinda crushing under the pressure. 

That's why I love the new book from Julia Cook, Be Where Your Feet Are. While mindfulness is the underlying concept for the book, it differs from other favorites because  it really focuses on mindful action. There is no sitting in a zen pose and deep breathing. I may be a yogi-wanna-be but I don't always want to zen out and, for some kids, I think this approach is much more relatable. 

So what exactly is mindful action? I thought I made it up but a quick google shows some other great minds out there ;) When we are in action, particularly actions that are more rote or when we have high levels of feelings related to the action, our minds are elsewhere. We're thinking about the future, the past, the where-we'd-rather-be, or we are ruminating with self-talk about our feelings. 

What if we didn't? What if we thought about what we're doing? Say you're washing the dishes. It doesn't take a lot of thought and you might even have some strong feelings about the dishes or the people that left them for you. Thoughts are all over the place. Focusing on the actions that we are taking both in the mundane and in the intense can give our brains time to rest and allows us to do better.

In the book, the boy has distracted thoughts all over the place that cause him to forget permission slips, mess up on a test, and play a different trombone song than the rest of the band. He can't focus long enough to do each thing well. His mom helps him to learn how to "be where his feet are." She suggests he breaks his time into chunks and give each thing all of his brain. 

It's a great perspective and I think kids will respond to the drawings and humor within the book. The text is slightly long for younger readers so you may have to support their attention with some "be where your feet are" practice. For example, on page 26 the book says "Give yourself a mindful moment and make your feet and brain a team," it might be helpful to take kids through a short mindful movement. I like to have students move slowly and feel the way that the air feels on their skin, the earth feels on their feet, and the words sound in their brain. Kids really like it too!

Be Where Your Feet Are also has a great solution focused counseling example when the main character's mom asked him about the one thing he had done well that day and helped him to find an exception to his area of concern. Overall, I think you'll really like it. In the next book, I would love to see Julia Cook add more racial diversity in her characters, especially the protagonists. You can see more about the book and hear from the author on the National Center for Youth Issues website and on her author page.

To celebrate the release of the book, NCYI has given me 3 copies to give away! Like all giveaways, members of the VIP list are automatically entered. If you'd like an additional entry, leave a comment below about Mindful Action. I'll choose a winner on Monday, August 6, 2018.

I am happy to share another author interview with you today! Mike Resh is an elementary school counselor from Lancaster, Pennsylvania where he works with primary aged students grades K-3.  He is also a brand new children’s book author, having his first book entitled “Dneirf” published by Mascot Books in November 2017.  Dneirf is the word friend spelled backwards and the story is about a boy named Otto who after having a difficult morning, goes to school and struggles with having positive interactions with his friends.  He learns that he's been doing things “backwards” also known as being a “Dneirf.”  With the help of his peers and school counselor, Otto is able to turn himself around and move in the right direction towards becoming a true friend to himself and others.  A cool twist to the book is that it includes palindromes (words that when spelled backwards create the same word when spelled forwards) and semordinlaps (words that when spelled backwards create a new word) throughout the text and hidden in the illustrations. So Fun!

• What motivated you to write dneirf?

After my first year as an elementary school counselor, I took time to reflect on how things went and lessons learned.  One thing stood out immediately to me, the amount of time spent educating and sorting through incidents reported as “Bullying.” The buzz of bullying in the media and community is great for bringing awareness to a problem but caused another problem in itself.  Parents and even kids used this word almost as an escape solution to fix problems or rather have them fixed by others (adults) at the fear of not handling a “bullying situation.”  This caused an even greater gap of kids being unable to think and act for themselves.  Much of my time was spent being a mediator between kids and helping them with self-awareness of their own actions.  You did “A” so “C” happened…what else could you have done so that “B” could have happened?  Dneirf grew out of the idea of escaping the labeling of “bullying” and focusing rather on behavior and behavioral change that is normal in social relationships. Dneirf makes the connection of cause/effect of friendships problems for young children.    

• How did Dneirf come about?

 As a school counselor I saw a need for a social skills book that covered normal social conflicts between friends that is a normal part of growing up and not always an act of bullying. I partnered with a parent of a former student in my school to do the awesome illustrations for the book and am happy to have it being release by my publisher Mascot Books this fall.

• What suggestions do you have for school counselors who want to use Dneirf in their school counseling programs?

 
Information about Dneirf can be found by visiting: www.mikeresh.com. There are also free printable handouts on the website that can be used in groups, classroom lessons, and individual counseling sessions. 
 
This story can be a support source for those reading it not only to those who have acted as a “Dneirf” but those who may have experienced the backwards behaviors of others.  When someone turns into a “Dneirf” it is like they are wearing their shoes backwards and trying to walk and have a normal day…it just is not going to work. 

Doctors prescribe/recommend exercise and healthy eating as preventative measures or precursors to good physical health.  School counselors and teachers can recommend this book and its ideas in the same way for good social and mental health development and maintenance. The prevention of bullying can occur with a primary focus and goal of creating caring and kind social relationship that are dictated by self-recognition of one’s own behaviors towards others.  BE A FRIEND, NOT A DNEIRF!

Thanks Mike! Dneirf is such a fun book. I love the idea of using the phrase "Being a Dneirf" as a way to redirect kids in a friendly manner that doesn't label them as unkind or a bully. We all have Dneirf days for sure. Make sure to check out Mike's site because he has a ton of lesson plans, printables, and other fun (Free!) goodies for you. To sweeten the deal, Mike has also generously offered to GIVEAWAY 4 copies of the book - 1 print copy and 3 digital copies. As always, all of my email subscribers are entered into any giveaway. To gain an **extra** entry, leave a comment on the post with your #1 friendship drama tip.  Giveaway will end Friday January, 26th and I'll announce the winners on Instagram stories. Winners will also receive an email.