Groceries to get, emails to respond to, to-do lists, phone calls to make - does this sound like your brain? Me too. It's the same for kids too. They are thinking about mom snapping at them this morning, the assessment coming up, what they'd rather be doing (lunch), what they should be doing, friend drama, home drama - the list goes on. We are in such a go, go, go moment in the world, it's no wonder that we are all kinda crushing under the pressure. 

That's why I love the new book from Julia Cook, Be Where Your Feet Are. While mindfulness is the underlying concept for the book, it differs from other favorites because  it really focuses on mindful action. There is no sitting in a zen pose and deep breathing. I may be a yogi-wanna-be but I don't always want to zen out and, for some kids, I think this approach is much more relatable. 

So what exactly is mindful action? I thought I made it up but a quick google shows some other great minds out there ;) When we are in action, particularly actions that are more rote or when we have high levels of feelings related to the action, our minds are elsewhere. We're thinking about the future, the past, the where-we'd-rather-be, or we are ruminating with self-talk about our feelings. 

What if we didn't? What if we thought about what we're doing? Say you're washing the dishes. It doesn't take a lot of thought and you might even have some strong feelings about the dishes or the people that left them for you. Thoughts are all over the place. Focusing on the actions that we are taking both in the mundane and in the intense can give our brains time to rest and allows us to do better.

In the book, the boy has distracted thoughts all over the place that cause him to forget permission slips, mess up on a test, and play a different trombone song than the rest of the band. He can't focus long enough to do each thing well. His mom helps him to learn how to "be where his feet are." She suggests he breaks his time into chunks and give each thing all of his brain. 

It's a great perspective and I think kids will respond to the drawings and humor within the book. The text is slightly long for younger readers so you may have to support their attention with some "be where your feet are" practice. For example, on page 26 the book says "Give yourself a mindful moment and make your feet and brain a team," it might be helpful to take kids through a short mindful movement. I like to have students move slowly and feel the way that the air feels on their skin, the earth feels on their feet, and the words sound in their brain. Kids really like it too!

Be Where Your Feet Are also has a great solution focused counseling example when the main character's mom asked him about the one thing he had done well that day and helped him to find an exception to his area of concern. Overall, I think you'll really like it. In the next book, I would love to see Julia Cook add more racial diversity in her characters, especially the protagonists. You can see more about the book and hear from the author on the National Center for Youth Issues website and on her author page.

To celebrate the release of the book, NCYI has given me 3 copies to give away! Like all giveaways, members of the VIP list are automatically entered. If you'd like an additional entry, leave a comment below about Mindful Action. I'll choose a winner on Monday, August 6, 2018.

I am happy to share another author interview with you today! Mike Resh is an elementary school counselor from Lancaster, Pennsylvania where he works with primary aged students grades K-3.  He is also a brand new children’s book author, having his first book entitled “Dneirf” published by Mascot Books in November 2017.  Dneirf is the word friend spelled backwards and the story is about a boy named Otto who after having a difficult morning, goes to school and struggles with having positive interactions with his friends.  He learns that he's been doing things “backwards” also known as being a “Dneirf.”  With the help of his peers and school counselor, Otto is able to turn himself around and move in the right direction towards becoming a true friend to himself and others.  A cool twist to the book is that it includes palindromes (words that when spelled backwards create the same word when spelled forwards) and semordinlaps (words that when spelled backwards create a new word) throughout the text and hidden in the illustrations. So Fun!

• What motivated you to write dneirf?

After my first year as an elementary school counselor, I took time to reflect on how things went and lessons learned.  One thing stood out immediately to me, the amount of time spent educating and sorting through incidents reported as “Bullying.” The buzz of bullying in the media and community is great for bringing awareness to a problem but caused another problem in itself.  Parents and even kids used this word almost as an escape solution to fix problems or rather have them fixed by others (adults) at the fear of not handling a “bullying situation.”  This caused an even greater gap of kids being unable to think and act for themselves.  Much of my time was spent being a mediator between kids and helping them with self-awareness of their own actions.  You did “A” so “C” happened…what else could you have done so that “B” could have happened?  Dneirf grew out of the idea of escaping the labeling of “bullying” and focusing rather on behavior and behavioral change that is normal in social relationships. Dneirf makes the connection of cause/effect of friendships problems for young children.    

• How did Dneirf come about?

 As a school counselor I saw a need for a social skills book that covered normal social conflicts between friends that is a normal part of growing up and not always an act of bullying. I partnered with a parent of a former student in my school to do the awesome illustrations for the book and am happy to have it being release by my publisher Mascot Books this fall.

• What suggestions do you have for school counselors who want to use Dneirf in their school counseling programs?

 
Information about Dneirf can be found by visiting: www.mikeresh.com. There are also free printable handouts on the website that can be used in groups, classroom lessons, and individual counseling sessions. 
 
This story can be a support source for those reading it not only to those who have acted as a “Dneirf” but those who may have experienced the backwards behaviors of others.  When someone turns into a “Dneirf” it is like they are wearing their shoes backwards and trying to walk and have a normal day…it just is not going to work. 

Doctors prescribe/recommend exercise and healthy eating as preventative measures or precursors to good physical health.  School counselors and teachers can recommend this book and its ideas in the same way for good social and mental health development and maintenance. The prevention of bullying can occur with a primary focus and goal of creating caring and kind social relationship that are dictated by self-recognition of one’s own behaviors towards others.  BE A FRIEND, NOT A DNEIRF!

Thanks Mike! Dneirf is such a fun book. I love the idea of using the phrase "Being a Dneirf" as a way to redirect kids in a friendly manner that doesn't label them as unkind or a bully. We all have Dneirf days for sure. Make sure to check out Mike's site because he has a ton of lesson plans, printables, and other fun (Free!) goodies for you. To sweeten the deal, Mike has also generously offered to GIVEAWAY 4 copies of the book - 1 print copy and 3 digital copies. As always, all of my email subscribers are entered into any giveaway. To gain an **extra** entry, leave a comment on the post with your #1 friendship drama tip.  Giveaway will end Friday January, 26th and I'll announce the winners on Instagram stories. Winners will also receive an email. 

Recently, I was scrolling through social media and I saw a comment written by a school counselor friend that said "I can't tell you how many times I have been hit, kicked, scratched and bitten this year. Luckily, I haven't been spit or peed on." I read the comment and shook my head in sympathy and started to move on but realized that most of the general public would be shocked to find out that any school employee might be regularly hurt on the job by children. Often our youngest students are the least capable of handling the intense emotions that they experience not to mention trauma that may have triggered these emotions. That is why we have school counselors and that is why we are inspired to do this work every day.

But let's get real! It is no fun to go to work every day to be "hit, kicked, scratched and bitten." In fact, school counselors don't talk about it. No one in grad school told me that I might be physically assaulted at work. I remember a little girl that I worked with years ago who had many episodes of violent behavior per week. I would get in the car to go to work and my eyes would well up in tired tears thinking about what would happen once I arrived. It was hard. Really hard. Looking back, I know we did all the right things but this kiddo had some major needs that took a while to meet. So what to do when you are in the middle of this reality?

Knowing that you might have to work with children who are hurting themselves or others, it's important to be trained in some type of crisis intervention. Many districts in my area use CPI Nonviolent Crisis Intervention but there are other resources out there. If you are unsure what your district has to offer, check with your special education department because they may offer something similar to your low-incidence teachers. It's important to be trained how to work with students to keep them (and you!) safe. 

That doesn't mean ignoring the phone or running past the classroom with a screaming child ;) Instead, try to help the child to calm down before they reach a crisis point if possible. Sometimes this means working with your classroom teachers to identify warning signs that a child is close to crisis. Sometimes it means using some in-the-moment crisis diffusing counselor tricks. Personally, I like the "help now" section of the iChill App. 

There's a reason that institutions like the Army and Red Cross debrief after an event. People need to talk about what they've been through and support one another. In addition, debriefing allows you to talk about what went well and what didn't. After my assistant principal and I spent around 3 hours with a student helping him to de-escalate and calm down, we went out separate ways to finish our day. The next morning, I went by her office and asked if we could talk about our work with this student. We had a great conversation where we talked about what worked and what didn't. We were able to be honest with one another and share some ideas for our future work together. We became a well oiled machine when working with a student in crisis. Our calm helped our students to feel safe with us and helped us to be better in the next crisis. 

Debriefing happens with people who were there in the crisis or who may be there next time. It's also important to communicate with your colleagues about what you can handle and where you are emotionally and physically. Your administrators need to be made aware that a child has been violent so that they can assess staffing as appropriate. Of course, there are times when your own needs may not be met. Communicate that as well. Often we, as counselors, are the least likely to advocate for our own work. I speak to counselors all the time who, through lack of communication, have painted themselves in a corner where they are no longer productive for themselves or their students.

I'm starting to get to the point where I roll my eyes when I hear the phrase "self care." That said, it really is important. When you've spent your day physically protecting yourself and a child, it's important to think about what will fill your (now empty) bucket. Sitting on the couch watching mindless TV, exercise, or a mini shopping spree might work for you. Or not. Pick what would make you smile - or at least not grimace. After one particularly crazy morning with my student who had me tearing up in the mornings, I walked up to my principal and said "I'm done. I'm going home. I just can't." He looked at me and said "Seems like you've worked a full day to me." Yeah, he's a good guy.


So, what are your tips for handling that thing we don't talk about? What's your favorite self-care release?

Schools spend hours of professional learning time on pedagogy, the theory and practice of teaching. Typically, this time is spent on best practices for teaching academic standards. However, as adults we can see that success in the world around us is grounded in skills like time management, work habits, help-seeking behaviors, or metacognitive strategies. How can we support the learning of noncognitive skills in students through the PLC framework used widely in education? Recently, I have been working with a team in my district to dig deeper into noncognitive factors and how we support students in social emotional learning. I am extremely proud of this work. ​

Professional learning communities are groups of educators that work together to not only to ensure good teaching is taking place but that students are learning. The PLC is founded in four questions:

1. ​What do we want students to learn?
2. How will we know they are learning?
3. How will we respond when they don't learn?
4. How will we respond if they already know it?

What if we extended the PLC concept to move beyond academic standards to encompass noncognitive skills? This goes beyond behavior management and office discipline referrals to real social emotional learning. As school counselors we are in a unique position to lead this work. 

The first core question of the PLC is "what do we want students to learn?" Often we see noncognitive skills as separate from core academic learning. However, all learning requires noncognitive skills. Instead of thinking of social emotional learning as separate, let's ask ourselves which noncognitive skills are embedded in a unit or lesson. For instance, if a class is working on creating math video tutorials, which skills will they need to be successful? The ASCA mindsets and behaviors are a great place to look for skills necessary to successfully complete this work.

Right now, behavior, specifically office discipline referrals are the most frequent indicator that students are not learning the noncognitive skills needed to be successful. However, by the time an office referral happens, the time for learning has passed. Looking at the ASCA Mindsets and Behaviors, we see observable behaviors that could be assessed. In the PLC, we can look at the noncognitve skills we planned for students to use and learn and then determine if they effectively learned this skill. In our math tutorial example, we would make a plan to see that students were able to:

• Demonstrate creativity,
• Apply media and technology skills,
• Demonstrate ability to manage transitions and ability to adapt to changing situations,
• Use effective oral and written communication skills and listening skills,
• Use effective collaboration and cooperation skills,
• Use leadership and teamwork skills to work effectively in diverse teams.

Here is the key, the moment of change for all the work that school counselors do. Right now, when students lack noncognitve skills we typically wait for them to fail and then proceed to an intervention to "fix them." What if, instead, we were talking about students and their social emotional learning along the way, using the skills that we had defined as embedded in the academic lessons being taught. If students needed additional support in learning these skills, the intervention could be put in place before the lack of noncognitive skills caused them to be sent to the office, lack friends, or fail a grade. 

Hint- the answer isn't to make them take care of the other kids. Let's face it, typically our students with robust noncognitive skills are tasked with helping others around them. While this works in small doses, it can be frustrating for both students. What if students who had developed noncogntive skills were given more choices and independence in their learning. If they were able to self manage, were self aware with social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making then the classroom is open to them to explore in depth and create their own learning. Thinking back to the video tutorial example, this might mean that students with robust noncognitive skills were able to create tutorials independently or to learn a video editing software not originally introduced to the entire class. It's both a reward (increased freedom) and a chance to expand their skillset. 

School counselors aren't in the classroom daily to implement many of these ideas but we play a large role in collaborating and consulting with teachers, interventionists, and administration. One of the simple strategies that I have used is to align my lessons with noncognitive skills that support the academic content currently happening in the classroom. For isntance, I taught a lesson on cooperation while my first grade classes were learning about job sharing. If I were to do it again, I would take it one step further and have the first graders create a cooperation rubric for job sharing in the classroom. If you're interested in learning more, ASCA has a great page of resources on Using Noncognitive Skills to Improve Student Success. How do you support noncognitive skill development in your school?

Get out of that social skill instruction rut. This lesson series is also great for special education teachers who have social emotional learning or behavioral goals to teach. I've created an 8 lesson group that uses an alien visiting from space to help kids to think about the importance of social skills and to practice using them. As always, I'll share all the lesson ideas here and if you'd like to purchase all of the materials ready-made, you can head on over to TPT.

Each group begins with an inclusion activity that supports the skills introduced, a kid friendly definition of the skill, and a closure activity that wraps the group and checks for understanding.

In the intro lesson to the group, we not only learn about the purpose of the group and read a story introducing students to R1, our friendly space alien, but we also have a chance to practice introduction skills with our new group members.

• Purpose of the group
• Read R1's story
• Use the Alien Name Generator to find out your Alien Name
• Interview a partner and introduce them to the group

Practice verbal and nonverbal communication with a game of feelings charades. Each student draws a sentence and a feeling. Others have to guess the feeling they are showing with tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. Once the group chooses the right emotion, take turns thinking about why someone might feel angry, friendly, or another emotion about the sentence read.

Students take turns listening and speaking about a generic topic. As the listener, they practice each of the listening skills introduced. Students give feedback to their partners about their strengths using a picture rubric and a supportive conversation.

In this 2 lesson skill, students first practice the idea of stop and think by playing reverse Simon Says. The game is played just like the childhood game except "Simon Says" means that you *don't* complete the action. 

Poor R1, as an alien he misunderstands social cues all the time. In the second lesson, students listen to a journal entry about the day R1 comes to earth. He makes a lot of mistakes! Students write down the social clues he missed and then help him to correct them.

It takes communication and perseverance to cooperate. To practice, play "all tangled up." Students stand in a circle and grab someone's hand that is not standing next to them. To win, the group must untangle their hands without letting go. The most important part of this activity is the processing. Ask a lot of questions and encourage communication. Help students to think about what worked and didn't work in their process.

This is a fun one! The group must work together to plan a party for R1's alien friends. Each student chooses a favorite for each of the 4 party planning tasks: food, activity, cake, and location. They must then negotiate and compromise with the others in the group to come to a consensus. This is a challenging lesson but the struggle is part of the learning!

In the last session, the group partners up to create a presentation for R1 about one of the skills that they learned in group. They can choose to present about all of the skills or choose one skill to cover in depth. This is a great way to check for understanding and share some laughs. 

I hope you have fun with your Out of this World Social Skills group! I think it will be a blast (rockets optional)!