I am very excited to have another guest post to share with you today!   Kathy Slattengren is an internationally recognized, inspirational parent educator and founder of Priceless Parenting. Priceless Parenting offers online parenting classes, parenting presentations and parent coaching.  With Kathy's support, parents learn to effectively handle misbehavior while building loving relationships. Today she's here to share best practices in helping parents to manage screen time. 

Do you ever see kids at school who you suspect are spending many hours a day on digital devices?  Would you like to talk to their parents about setting some healthy limits but aren’t sure what to say?  You’re wise to be tentative in approaching any parent about their parenting! 

​Parents want to be seen as competent.  When you approach them to discuss setting healthy limits on their kids’ media usage, you can easily trigger feelings of inadequacy and being judged.  Before parents can hear your message, they need to feel that you are on their side - trying to help them, not make them feel bad about their parenting.  

When you lead with empathy, parents will feel that you understand them.  Showing empathy will come more naturally when you keep in mind what the parent may be thinking and feeling.  Things like:

• My kids love being on screens.  If I try to take the screens away they get upset.
• My kids learn a lot using digital media.
• They fight less with each other and behave better when they have screens. 
• My kids use digital devices at school so I know it’s good for them.
• I’m busy and overwhelmed a lot of the time.  When my kids are on their screens, I can get some things done. 

Try opening with a comment that connects to the parent’s challenge in putting limits around screens.

• “Your son really loves playing Minecraft. I bet it’s hard when he needs to turn it off.”
• “Your daughter is so talented at using the iPhone!  What is her favorite thing to do on it?”
• “Parenting is a non-stop job!  What do you usually do when your kids are busy on their iPads?

 
Ideally the parent will respond with more information about how their kids use their digital devices.  This will allow you to ask questions and learn more about this parent’s thoughts on their kids’ media usage. After you establish a rapport you’ll be in a better position to offer guidance.  

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendations include avoiding television and other digital media for children younger than 2-years-old. This is primarily due to babies learning best through interacting with people.  It’s the back and forth communication that is essential for learning.
 
For older children, the AAP suggests limiting entertainment screen time -- including TV, video games and computer use -- to one to two hours a day.  Most kids far exceed these recommendations.  According to the AAP, “children are spending an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media, including televisions, computers, phones and other electronic devices”.

​While you cannot force parents to change their behavior, you can influence them by providing information.  Screens can be addicting for both kids and adults.  Some signs that it’s time to reduce the time kids are spending on media include:

• Spending less and less time with family and friends
• Difficulty focusing on the present moment due to craving video games or cellphones
• Withdrawing from sports, hobbies and social interactions
• Losing sleep due to gaming, texting
• Acting irritable or discontent when not using digital items
• Declining grades in school, missing school
• Talking and thinking obsessively about the digital activity
• Denying or minimizing any negative consequences
• Developing health issues such as Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, eye strain, weight gain, backaches

If parents respond that their kids will have a meltdown if they try to take away their screen time, you can agree that their children may get upset.  You can let them know that some parents seek help from a professional counselor or psychologist to help in setting limits.

​Providing some written information is a wonderful way to reinforce what you’ve discussed.  You are welcome to print out these flyers to give parents:  
​

• Healthy Use of Screens For Families
• Warning Signs of Too Much Screen Time for Kids
• Too Much Screen Time Hurts Babies

 
These flyers plus additional information is available on Priceless Parenting’s page for “Parenting Digital Kids”.

Researchers have found that children whose parents make an effort to limit media use spend less time with media than their peers.  Although children may resist efforts to reduce their screen time, the long term benefits are worth it!

Thanks Kathy! Don't forget to check out her website to find lots of free printables, resources, and ideas for working with parents. What's your screen time philosophy? In our household, we are a Saturday morning cartoon kind of family. Occasionally we will watch some TV during the week. If we need extra work time for mom and dad, we try to do iPad games instead of TV.

I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about poverty and childhood. I was interested to be contacted by the counseling department at Northwestern about an interesting study about affluent teens. They've even included a cool infographic for use in your PLC discussions and your work with students!

While it may seem like the lives of affluent families (those with incomes ranging from general upper middle-class to just below the hyper-wealthy 1%) are cozy, calm and easy, teens with families who have few financial problems have their own unique set of challenges. Cheryl Rampage outlines the challenges upper-class teens face in The Challenge of Prosperity: Affluence and Psychological Distress Among Adolescents. Readers will be surprised at how the seemingly cushy lifestyle of rich adolescents can be rife with emotional disconnect, the pressure to succeed, and the subsequent risk factors of leading such lives. 

According to Dr. Rampage, there are two clear risk factors that are directly related to affluence: achievement pressures and isolation from parents. These risk factors directly contribute to the startling statistics regarding the dangers of emotional isolation: 25­-30 percent more affluent boys and girls suffer from anxiety compared to other teens. They are more likely to use alcohol and more likely to abuse alcohol and other substances.  

Dr. Rampage addresses why both isolation and achievement pressures put adolescents into dangerous situations. It is common for affluent parents to impose high standards upon their children, expecting them to excel academically, socially, and athletically. Rampage writes that if this push “comes from inside the child, from passion and engagement, it can lead to achievement and satisfaction.” But if the push comes from outside of the self (i.e., from parents or other family members), it can have the exact opposite effect on children, diminish their motivation, and increase anxiety.  

Interestingly enough, it seems that the main issue is not the existence of high standards, but the fact that parents with lofty expectations of their children enforce the idea that “love is conditional on achievement,” says Dr. Rampage. This is a destructive value to instill in the mind of an adolescent—that they are only worthy of love if they are successful. Parents who obsess over superiority don’t just stress their children out—many of them suffer from self-confidence issues, with 25 percent of boys and 15 percent of girls reporting that they are “under-achievers” (Kindlon, 2001).  

The other risk factor, isolation from parents, can be both emotional and physical. Physical isolation can occur in upper class families simply because more money usually means bigger houses, thereby separating the families by square footage. If parents are harsh and judgmental when faced with their children’s inner experiences, their children will start to edit their daily discourse, saying things they know their parents want to hear to avoid conflict.  

Dr. Rampage notes that proximity to parents plays a major role in a healthy adolescence. Girls with a good relationship with their mothers made them less likely to be depressed, and a close relationship with fathers lessened their propensity to try drugs. Boys with close relationships to both parents have reduced depression symptoms. The studies cited by Dr. Rampage also mention that parental figures who might attempt to pick up the slack of a teen’s parents cannot incite the same effect as birth parents, and that a child with a good relationship with only one parent still suffers “the consequences of being distant from another.”  

Dr. Rampage says that “closeness to [a] parent is inversely correlated to affluence,” so families with less cushy living arrangements and careers often have better relationships with their children—either because they don’t work such long hours or because affluent children tend to be involved in numerous extracurricular activities.  

There are many risk factors directly related to affluence and upper-class adolescent development. Parents can avoid harming a child’s emotional growth by providing a concise structure for children, allotting them responsibility that directly correlates with their age and abilities communicating that their love comes without qualification and is a constant. While many people may scoff at the idea of wealthy children struggling, there are many kids who suffer mentally and emotionally because of their socioeconomic status. The goal is to minimize these cases by providing parents with the tools necessary to foster growth and forge healthy relationships.

Thanks so much to Declan Habeck at Northwestern for your guest post. If you're interested in guest posting, please let me know! I'd love to have you :)

One of the principals I work with gave me the idea of creating door hangers to leave on family's doors when they are not home for a home visit. I really love home visits, I think it gives me a chance to really connect with a family. I have frequently been to apartments and houses that look like good places to live that have not a single stick of furniture inside. You can't always judge a book by it's cover so here are a few things I look for in a home visit:

• Is there food visible? If the kitchen looks really bare, the family made be food-insecure.
• Is there bedding in the living room? I have had many kids who sleep on the living room couch because they don't have a bed. This might explain why they're often tired at school. 
• How do the adults interact? How do the adults interact with the children? How do the children interact?

I often get asked if I make unannounced or scheduled home visits. I do both. If I have a family who doesn't have a car, I might drive out to their house to deliver resources or bring a paper that needs to be signed. If a child misses a lot of school or they are sick and we can't reach anyone, I will make unannounced home visits. Of course, even with scheduled home visits we find no one home when we arrive. To leave a friendly message, I created these door hangers in English and Spanish. 

The purpose of home visits is to make a connection with the family. I am careful to follow their norms in their home: take off shoes if they do, accept water or a snack, be polite. It's a blessing to be invited into someone's home and we should honor that. 

I've written a lot about my book clubs for parents. You can check it all out here.  One of the biggest barriers to starting a new parent book club is reading the book and creating the discussion guide. I can't read the book for you but I have created a powerpoint discussion guide for The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel. This is a wonderful book and the discussion guide would work for both parent and staff book clubs or even a professional development. I think you could easily lead the discussion for people who have not read the book (but you will need to!). You can get the 27 page powerpoint in my TPT store. 

Both of these products will be free on TPT until Monday, April 20th. If you download the freebie, please leave feedback. Thanks for your support!

We have officially wrapped our 2nd Parent Book Club at my school! This year, we read the book Nurtureshock by PO Bronson and Ashley Merryman. It was a great read!

So, why is it low pressure? Everyone has a different level of ability to participate in one extra thing in their life. Just because our plates are full, doesn't mean we don't want to learn more about the journey of parenting. 

The low pressure book club concept allows parents to participate in the book club at different levels:

• Traditional Route: read the book and come to book club once a week for 3 weeks
• Cliff Notes Version: read my chapter summaries and come to book club once a week
• Virtual Participation: read the book or the chapter summaries and participate in our google group online discussion

I first sent out a book club flyer to all the parents in the school and asked them to RSVP using my google survey.  Our PTA purchased 10 copies of the book that will be housed in the library after the book club is over. I invited all the parents who RSVPed to participate in my google group for the book club. In this google group, we can discuss topics about the book and I can share related articles or stories.

If you haven't read the book Nurtureshock, I highly recommend it. Even after being in education for 12 years, I learned some new things. I found the chapter about sleep particularly fascinating. The negative impacts of loss of sleep were much more severe than I knew! Have you read the book, what did you think? Ever hosted a parent book club? Let us know all about it!

One of the blissful things about working in public school (and there are days we really have to cling to those few blissful things) is having the summer off. This summer, I've been working on some big house projects that are finally winding down. Now that we have 3 weeks left until we return for workdays, I need to refocus my attention on my day job. 

So what's on my summer work to do list? I've been by school and had a brief meeting with my principal to prepare my part of the all-day leadership meeting we'll have in 2 weeks. I've been reviewing Bully Prevention Specialist plans for ASCA and learning lots from my colleagues around the nation. The most exciting thing on my to-do list is to read the book Nurtureshock for my Low Pressure Book Club in the fall.

What's a Low Pressure Book Club? I plan to buy a set of books that parents can borrow to read and return. I will have 2-3 meetings where parents can come and discuss different chapters of the book. Um... doesn't that sound like a normal book club? Well, yes, so I will be creating a "cliff notes" summary of each chapter that I will share with parents via our Book Club Google group before the discussion meeting. Don't have time to read the book? Just read the notes and you'll be able to hold your own in conversation.

And I'm expecting a conversation! This book is a few years old but I can't believe that I hadn't heard of it before. I have read the first two chapters and I have learned so much already! Expect a blog post full of what I've learned. I can't wait to finish it!

What's your summer to-do list like? Do you spend a lot of your time off working on school work like me?