I am happy to share another author interview with you today! Mike Resh is an elementary school counselor from Lancaster, Pennsylvania where he works with primary aged students grades K-3.  He is also a brand new children’s book author, having his first book entitled “Dneirf” published by Mascot Books in November 2017.  Dneirf is the word friend spelled backwards and the story is about a boy named Otto who after having a difficult morning, goes to school and struggles with having positive interactions with his friends.  He learns that he's been doing things “backwards” also known as being a “Dneirf.”  With the help of his peers and school counselor, Otto is able to turn himself around and move in the right direction towards becoming a true friend to himself and others.  A cool twist to the book is that it includes palindromes (words that when spelled backwards create the same word when spelled forwards) and semordinlaps (words that when spelled backwards create a new word) throughout the text and hidden in the illustrations. So Fun!

• What motivated you to write dneirf?

After my first year as an elementary school counselor, I took time to reflect on how things went and lessons learned.  One thing stood out immediately to me, the amount of time spent educating and sorting through incidents reported as “Bullying.” The buzz of bullying in the media and community is great for bringing awareness to a problem but caused another problem in itself.  Parents and even kids used this word almost as an escape solution to fix problems or rather have them fixed by others (adults) at the fear of not handling a “bullying situation.”  This caused an even greater gap of kids being unable to think and act for themselves.  Much of my time was spent being a mediator between kids and helping them with self-awareness of their own actions.  You did “A” so “C” happened…what else could you have done so that “B” could have happened?  Dneirf grew out of the idea of escaping the labeling of “bullying” and focusing rather on behavior and behavioral change that is normal in social relationships. Dneirf makes the connection of cause/effect of friendships problems for young children.    

• How did Dneirf come about?

 As a school counselor I saw a need for a social skills book that covered normal social conflicts between friends that is a normal part of growing up and not always an act of bullying. I partnered with a parent of a former student in my school to do the awesome illustrations for the book and am happy to have it being release by my publisher Mascot Books this fall.

• What suggestions do you have for school counselors who want to use Dneirf in their school counseling programs?

 
Information about Dneirf can be found by visiting: www.mikeresh.com. There are also free printable handouts on the website that can be used in groups, classroom lessons, and individual counseling sessions. 
 
This story can be a support source for those reading it not only to those who have acted as a “Dneirf” but those who may have experienced the backwards behaviors of others.  When someone turns into a “Dneirf” it is like they are wearing their shoes backwards and trying to walk and have a normal day…it just is not going to work. 

Doctors prescribe/recommend exercise and healthy eating as preventative measures or precursors to good physical health.  School counselors and teachers can recommend this book and its ideas in the same way for good social and mental health development and maintenance. The prevention of bullying can occur with a primary focus and goal of creating caring and kind social relationship that are dictated by self-recognition of one’s own behaviors towards others.  BE A FRIEND, NOT A DNEIRF!

Thanks Mike! Dneirf is such a fun book. I love the idea of using the phrase "Being a Dneirf" as a way to redirect kids in a friendly manner that doesn't label them as unkind or a bully. We all have Dneirf days for sure. Make sure to check out Mike's site because he has a ton of lesson plans, printables, and other fun (Free!) goodies for you. To sweeten the deal, Mike has also generously offered to GIVEAWAY 4 copies of the book - 1 print copy and 3 digital copies. As always, all of my email subscribers are entered into any giveaway. To gain an **extra** entry, leave a comment on the post with your #1 friendship drama tip.  Giveaway will end Friday January, 26th and I'll announce the winners on Instagram stories. Winners will also receive an email. 

When is gaming too much? How can we support students in understanding that moderation in gaming is great but overdoing it can have negative influences. One of my friends, Ian Wenstrand, has recently published a book titled "Plugged In" about a boy who is obsessed with video games and accidentally blurs the line between gaming and reality. Ian is a talented artist and I could stare at the illustrations in the book even without the text. Here's an interview about his work:

• What inspired you to write this book? Are you a gamer?

I wanted to write the book my younger self would want to read. The books I was attracted to as a kid had intricate artwork paired with fantastical stories. In Jumanji, by Chris Van Allsburg, the children get to go on an adventure that takes place in their normally calm neighborhood. That was a huge inspiration for Plugged In. Taking something normal and transforming it into something surreal was always very interesting to me. The idea that a character's neighborhood could be the setting for an adventure was something I wanted to incorporate into my own book.

I have been a gamer since as long as I can remember. As a kid, I spent most of my time on the weekends riding my bike to the arcade to play 4-player Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with my friends. After that, Super Nintendo and PlayStation were the console systems I played the most. I still play video games to this day, although less than I used to. Today, I mostly play games that my kids want to play and try to introduce them to the classics as well.

• What are the benefits and downfalls of video games for kids?

Games can help kids learn valuable problem-solving skills. When a child plays a video game they are basically interacting with a computer and learning how to work through an obstacle or defeat an enemy. I feel like more and more games are getting incorporated into the learning process. Minecraft (which is arguably the most popular game among kids right now), in particular, has recently been used as a tool to introduce kids to coding - another skill in high demand.

I believe the downfalls of video games for kids result from heavy usage. If a child refuses to do anything else and is becoming further and further removed from friends or family, that's when problems can start to arise.

• How do you think that kids can tell when they are gaming too much?

 Unfortunately, I think most children don't yet have the self-discipline to tear themselves away when they've been playing too much. I was certainly that way as a kid. I think it's the parent's job to help their kids understand that games are okay, just in moderation.

• Any tips for parents that are worried their child is playing too many video games?

I think that setting limits on how much time they can be in front of a screen, in general, is important. Phones, tablets, and TVs dominate so much of our attention that it's hard for kids to understand that there should be limits on how long they are in front of a screen. I think that children should have varied life experiences and sitting in front of a screen is not going to show them all the world has to offer. I think that helping your child develop diverse interests helps with this. Explore what else they really have a passion for and help them to pursue that. Are they creative? Do they like music? Is there a sport they are interested in? The games will still be there when they get back.

• What do you like to do when you are not plugged in?

I like to go running, hiking, create artwork and illustrations, take my kids to the park, and go swimming.

• What advice do you have for kids who think their friends might need to unplug?

Get them to go explore your neighborhood or town, join a sports team, do something that requires you to be out of the house and with people. There are plenty of games that expand beyond a solitary experience and encourage social and multiplayer experiences. Pokemon Go! is one game that I've seen have great success in getting people outside and socializing with each other. I've seen a large group of parents and kids meet together in a park to play the game with one other. These types of games give people the opportunity to get out and explore and to be part of a larger community.

I highly recommend the book - I think it would make a great few session lunch bunch book club for boys. They will love the illustrations - aren't they amazing?! Ian is offering a giveaway through Amazon this week. Make sure to check it out!

Get ready to market your school counseling program! Recently, I was amazed at the marketing efforts of my local library. They have snazzy graphics, videos, and professional quality marketing tools. I realized that libraries are fighting to stay open and the more people they get through their doors, the more likely they are to continue to receive funding. This is not unlike school counseling programs. If our stakeholders – administration, teachers, parents, and students don’t see the value in what we do, our positions will be cut or our time will be filled with non-counseling duties.

​ One fun and easy way to share your data is through a “counseling by the numbers” page. You can share this on your website, in your PTA newsletter, or through a video. Don’t think you can make a video? Sure you can! I am going to show you how I made this video and, trust me, it’s easy:

I used the Legend App on my iPhone (available on android). It also works on iPad as well. In the Legend App, you will add your text and choose a photo if you’d like. Click next and choose the little video of your text that you like best. Seriously, it’s that easy. To save the video, click the three dots in the bottom right hand corner and select “save video.” You can add colors to the text as well. Pro tip: if you add colors, choose the same colors for all the text videos you create.
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​Create as many or as few text videos as you’d like. In my example, I have the following:

• Name of school
• “by the numbers”
• Achievement Group data
• Attendance data
• Number of individual counseling students and sessions
• Number of counseling groups and topic-based lunch bunches
• ​“One Amazing Year”

You can see my entire “counseling by the numbers” page on my old school website. Once you have created all of your videos, open iMovie. Click the giant + sign to start a new movie. Choose movie (not trailer) from the pop up menu. Choose all of the videos that you made in the Legend app (see my list above) and iMovie will automatically put all of them together in a movie. Drag and drop the snippets to put them in the order you want. If you want music, click the gear icon and select “theme music.” The theme photos above change the music. Once you have the movie you want, select “done” in the upper left hand corner. To download, click on the square with the arrow to choose “save video.”

Need some photos?

So, give it a try! Share your video with the world and make sure to tag me so that I can see them :)

Unless you have been completely off social media (the modern day living under a rock), you have probably heard about the show “Thirteen Reasons Why.” The show depicts a boy (Clay) listening to a series of tapes made by his love interest (Hannah) before she dies by suicide. Because I spend more time in the car than on the couch (sadly), I listened to the audiobook and have watched a few of the episodes on Netflix. For the purposes of this post, I am not going to delve into if this show should have been made or the book written. It’s here, so what do we do about it?

1. Book review for adults: This is one of those YA books that could have been written for adults. There is a nuance to the story that I think adults will appreciate. It was interesting to see the story told from Hannah and Clay’s perspectives. As an adult, you can see the many errors in thinking that are so much a part of adolescence.
2. Book review for teenagers: Typically, I gear most of my work towards the elementary school age. I don’t think this show or book would ever be appropriate for any young child. In addition to suicide, there are drugs, drinking, sexual acts, and rape depicted. I’m on the fence about whether this book and show is appropriate for teens. If a teen you know is watching or reading, I recommend that you watch or read along with them so that you can help them to process what they are watching.
3. Cyberbullying: One of the main reasons that Hannah is struggling at her new school is cyberbullying. Innocuous interactions turn into rumors and scandal without any substance behind them. In one of the opening scenes of the show, you see Hannah’s love interest show his friends a slightly compromising picture of her (though taken in an innocent way). They immediately grab his phone and text the photo and a lie about it to the whole school despite his protests. This would be a cool clip to show in a lesson about cyberbullying and appropriate internet use.
4. Peer Pressure: In this story, you can see both active peer pressure and peer pressure that takes place because of a lack of action. In one scene, a boy is inappropriately touching a girl despite her protests and the other student in the hot tub gets out and leaves the girl alone.
5. Rape Culture: As an adult reading this book, I noticed the pervasiveness of rape culture. Hannah is often the recipient of touches, glances, and words that are unwanted. While she protests those actions, no one else does and I worry that the message gets lost in the messenger.
   
   
6. Suicide: Guess what? Suicide is not the greatest revenge to take against people who have wronged you. Even if you make 13 tapes about how awful they were. All the people who wronged Hannah listened to the tapes and they seem to take them to heart. This aspect of the book and show got it wrong.
   
   
7. Doing the Right Thing: Supportive adults watching with their teen have many opportunities to point out the right thing that could have been done. There are many points where a character makes a choice that leads the story down a negative path.
8. Empathy: I had a lot of empathy for Clay while reading and watching. As an adult, I had a lot of empathy for many of the other (outwardly meaner) characters. I remember making similar dumb mistakes when I was a teenager. Teens will likely see the characters in a more good guy/bad guy perspective.
9. Hannah: While reading the book, I was kind of annoyed by Hannah. This is probably not how she’s “supposed” to come off but it’s the truth. She seemed, well, needy. In the show, she comes off as much cooler before her downward spiral. I’m torn on whether this is a good thing. Teenage me would have wanted to be Hannah and you see how that turns out.
10. Clay: It’s hard for me to talk about Clay without giving the plot away. Let me just say that he is not a nuanced character. He’s a one-sided coin for sure. As an adult reading, I worry about the psychological pressure these tapes have on him.
11. The Counselor: Hannah tells you early on that if the previous “guidance” (blech) counselor had still been there that the story might have turned out differently. I think the counselor plays a larger role in the show that I haven’t finished yet but in the book, I feel for the guy. Hannah comes into his office (by the way, he also teaches English so he’s a part time school counselor) when he’s having a bad day. He doesn’t handle it well. But, I ask you, does your blood run cold knowing that you’ve had off days too? Mine sure did.
12. The Ending: No spoilers! But it’s redeeming. But not for Hannah.
13. Author’s Notes: If you read the book, read the author’s interview at the end about what he is going for here. If you watch the show, watch this clip on the role of suicide and mental health in the creation of the show.

I am thrilled to host Keith Deltano from Don't Bully Online for a guest post on cyber bullying today. A serious comedian, Keith is a winner of the teaching excellence award for his work with at risk students and the national impact award for his parent outreach and education efforts. He is the creator of the anti bullying curriculum, “The Complete Anti Bullying Kit.” Keith has served and worked with youth as a public school teacher, private counselor, strength coach, and US Army Airborne Military Police Officer. We are also hosting a GIVEAWAY, details at the end of the post.

The calls have come in, accusations made, screenshots presented, and now you have students in your counseling office that do not fully understand the potential consequences of social media abuse and cyber bullying.  What do you say them?

​Misuse of You Tube, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Tumblr, and Flickr by teens has resulted in long term suspension, expulsion, suicide, and criminal charges…and that’s the short list.  As a school counselor, one of your jobs is to help your students make good decisions regarding social media.  This abuse is not limited to teens. As a nationally touring anti bullying speaker, I have met elementary school principals that have had to suspend students for making racist, hateful, and threatening comments on social media sites.

​All 50 states have passed HIB (Harassment Intimidation and Bullying) laws and school systems are struggling to comply.  The aggressiveness of these laws varies from state to state.  In many states, school administrators are required to contact law enforcement when racist, threatening, or pornographic imagery is included in a student’s post.  I’ve met students that have lost full boat scholarships because something they posted on Instagram resulted in criminal charges.  Once again, this is not limited to middle and high school students.  I’ve met parents at my workshops that have elementary school students involved with criminal HIB investigations.

Students and parents have all heard of cyber bullying, the suicides that have occurred because of it, and the dangers of social media abuse.  What I have learned in my travels is that very few students and parents have made a concrete connection between all the media coverage of cyber bullying and their own personal behavior.  Students may have a vague idea that cyber bullying is wrong, few understand they may pay a heavy price for engaging in it.  In other words, they may expect a lecture and even suspension, but few seem to understand expulsion and a criminal record can be around the bend. We in education have spent a great deal of time speaking with each other about social media, not so much with students.  This has to change.

I focus on defining and retaining three words students can relate to social media and cyber bullying: permanent, prosecutable, and painful. These three concepts can be applied in a one on one conversation in your office or a school wide activity. To maintain consistency, include the words in every assembly, discussion, poster contest, presentation, parent conference, PTA meeting, anti bullying pledge, student handbook, or school website article you create that addresses cyber bullying and social media.  Either way, we want to make sure students understand social media abuse is permanent, prosecutable, and painful. 
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As I’m sure you are aware, students will not retain all of what you say to them, they are, however, able to retain key concepts when they are consistently connected to memorable keywords or phrases. Think: “stop, drop, and roll.” Let’s take a look at permanent, prosecutable, and painful to see how you could include them in your anti cyber bullying efforts.  Your presentation and materials could include these points:

What you send out there is permanent, you cannot get it back, and it will be out there forever.  For example, if you post an inappropriate image of yourself out there on Instagram, you will have to deal with the image’s existence for the rest of your life.  If you make an inappropriate comment and post it on social media, you will have to deal with the consequences for a long time.  You cannot control the life of a post, tweet, image, text, or email. Businesses and colleges conduct background checks on applicants.  They will check out who you are online.  You may not be able to get into college because of something you posted to social media years earlier.
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Inappropriate social media behavior is prosecutable by law enforcement agencies. Not only can you be suspended from school, you can be charged with a crime.  If prosecuted for cyber bullying, you will be charged with a misdemeanor that will be on your juvenile record until you are eighteen.  As mentioned before, employers and colleges conduct background checks on their applicants.  You may be unable to get a job because of something you posted on Snapchat.  You may be unable to get a college scholarship because you tweeted a racial or threatening comment.  If you are prosecuted for online harassment or cyber bullying, the record of that prosecution will stay with you and limit your options until you are eighteen.  If what you do with social media is serious enough to result in a felony charge, it may stay on your record for the rest of your life. Your future could be radically changed by one text, tweet, or post.
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As a school counselor, you already have lessons and activities that address cyber bullying and social media safety.  Simply work permanent, prosecutable, and painful into them. Most of the materials I’ve reviewed on cyber bullying are “light” and they simply do not bring home the severity of the consequences or the damage that can be done when social media is abused.  Use these three words to make your anti cyber bullying efforts more impactful, especially with older students. Work to get the whole staff on board with this language.

​You can reduce cyber bullying and online drama at your school.  It will take a very focused and targeted effort using specific language.  If the students hear it enough, in the same language, with the same consequences, by all their leadership, the message will get through.

Thanks so much for posting with us Keith! I think the message you drive home is really powerful. We can't just tell students that cyberbullying is inappropriate, we have to help them to learn the consequences for themselves and others. Keith has generously offered to give away TWO Anti-Bullying Resource Kits away. To enter, comment below with how your school addresses cyberbullying. Winners will be announced here on Monday, February 20th.

UPDATE: This giveaway is now closed, our winners are Laurel and Gretchen. Congrats!