Unless you have been completely off social media (the modern day living under a rock), you have probably heard about the show “Thirteen Reasons Why.” The show depicts a boy (Clay) listening to a series of tapes made by his love interest (Hannah) before she dies by suicide. Because I spend more time in the car than on the couch (sadly), I listened to the audiobook and have watched a few of the episodes on Netflix. For the purposes of this post, I am not going to delve into if this show should have been made or the book written. It’s here, so what do we do about it?

1. Book review for adults: This is one of those YA books that could have been written for adults. There is a nuance to the story that I think adults will appreciate. It was interesting to see the story told from Hannah and Clay’s perspectives. As an adult, you can see the many errors in thinking that are so much a part of adolescence.
2. Book review for teenagers: Typically, I gear most of my work towards the elementary school age. I don’t think this show or book would ever be appropriate for any young child. In addition to suicide, there are drugs, drinking, sexual acts, and rape depicted. I’m on the fence about whether this book and show is appropriate for teens. If a teen you know is watching or reading, I recommend that you watch or read along with them so that you can help them to process what they are watching.
3. Cyberbullying: One of the main reasons that Hannah is struggling at her new school is cyberbullying. Innocuous interactions turn into rumors and scandal without any substance behind them. In one of the opening scenes of the show, you see Hannah’s love interest show his friends a slightly compromising picture of her (though taken in an innocent way). They immediately grab his phone and text the photo and a lie about it to the whole school despite his protests. This would be a cool clip to show in a lesson about cyberbullying and appropriate internet use.
4. Peer Pressure: In this story, you can see both active peer pressure and peer pressure that takes place because of a lack of action. In one scene, a boy is inappropriately touching a girl despite her protests and the other student in the hot tub gets out and leaves the girl alone.
5. Rape Culture: As an adult reading this book, I noticed the pervasiveness of rape culture. Hannah is often the recipient of touches, glances, and words that are unwanted. While she protests those actions, no one else does and I worry that the message gets lost in the messenger.
   
   
6. Suicide: Guess what? Suicide is not the greatest revenge to take against people who have wronged you. Even if you make 13 tapes about how awful they were. All the people who wronged Hannah listened to the tapes and they seem to take them to heart. This aspect of the book and show got it wrong.
   
   
7. Doing the Right Thing: Supportive adults watching with their teen have many opportunities to point out the right thing that could have been done. There are many points where a character makes a choice that leads the story down a negative path.
8. Empathy: I had a lot of empathy for Clay while reading and watching. As an adult, I had a lot of empathy for many of the other (outwardly meaner) characters. I remember making similar dumb mistakes when I was a teenager. Teens will likely see the characters in a more good guy/bad guy perspective.
9. Hannah: While reading the book, I was kind of annoyed by Hannah. This is probably not how she’s “supposed” to come off but it’s the truth. She seemed, well, needy. In the show, she comes off as much cooler before her downward spiral. I’m torn on whether this is a good thing. Teenage me would have wanted to be Hannah and you see how that turns out.
10. Clay: It’s hard for me to talk about Clay without giving the plot away. Let me just say that he is not a nuanced character. He’s a one-sided coin for sure. As an adult reading, I worry about the psychological pressure these tapes have on him.
11. The Counselor: Hannah tells you early on that if the previous “guidance” (blech) counselor had still been there that the story might have turned out differently. I think the counselor plays a larger role in the show that I haven’t finished yet but in the book, I feel for the guy. Hannah comes into his office (by the way, he also teaches English so he’s a part time school counselor) when he’s having a bad day. He doesn’t handle it well. But, I ask you, does your blood run cold knowing that you’ve had off days too? Mine sure did.
12. The Ending: No spoilers! But it’s redeeming. But not for Hannah.
13. Author’s Notes: If you read the book, read the author’s interview at the end about what he is going for here. If you watch the show, watch this clip on the role of suicide and mental health in the creation of the show.

I am thrilled to host Keith Deltano from Don't Bully Online for a guest post on cyber bullying today. A serious comedian, Keith is a winner of the teaching excellence award for his work with at risk students and the national impact award for his parent outreach and education efforts. He is the creator of the anti bullying curriculum, “The Complete Anti Bullying Kit.” Keith has served and worked with youth as a public school teacher, private counselor, strength coach, and US Army Airborne Military Police Officer. We are also hosting a GIVEAWAY, details at the end of the post.

The calls have come in, accusations made, screenshots presented, and now you have students in your counseling office that do not fully understand the potential consequences of social media abuse and cyber bullying.  What do you say them?

​Misuse of You Tube, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Tumblr, and Flickr by teens has resulted in long term suspension, expulsion, suicide, and criminal charges…and that’s the short list.  As a school counselor, one of your jobs is to help your students make good decisions regarding social media.  This abuse is not limited to teens. As a nationally touring anti bullying speaker, I have met elementary school principals that have had to suspend students for making racist, hateful, and threatening comments on social media sites.

​All 50 states have passed HIB (Harassment Intimidation and Bullying) laws and school systems are struggling to comply.  The aggressiveness of these laws varies from state to state.  In many states, school administrators are required to contact law enforcement when racist, threatening, or pornographic imagery is included in a student’s post.  I’ve met students that have lost full boat scholarships because something they posted on Instagram resulted in criminal charges.  Once again, this is not limited to middle and high school students.  I’ve met parents at my workshops that have elementary school students involved with criminal HIB investigations.

Students and parents have all heard of cyber bullying, the suicides that have occurred because of it, and the dangers of social media abuse.  What I have learned in my travels is that very few students and parents have made a concrete connection between all the media coverage of cyber bullying and their own personal behavior.  Students may have a vague idea that cyber bullying is wrong, few understand they may pay a heavy price for engaging in it.  In other words, they may expect a lecture and even suspension, but few seem to understand expulsion and a criminal record can be around the bend. We in education have spent a great deal of time speaking with each other about social media, not so much with students.  This has to change.

I focus on defining and retaining three words students can relate to social media and cyber bullying: permanent, prosecutable, and painful. These three concepts can be applied in a one on one conversation in your office or a school wide activity. To maintain consistency, include the words in every assembly, discussion, poster contest, presentation, parent conference, PTA meeting, anti bullying pledge, student handbook, or school website article you create that addresses cyber bullying and social media.  Either way, we want to make sure students understand social media abuse is permanent, prosecutable, and painful. 
​
As I’m sure you are aware, students will not retain all of what you say to them, they are, however, able to retain key concepts when they are consistently connected to memorable keywords or phrases. Think: “stop, drop, and roll.” Let’s take a look at permanent, prosecutable, and painful to see how you could include them in your anti cyber bullying efforts.  Your presentation and materials could include these points:

What you send out there is permanent, you cannot get it back, and it will be out there forever.  For example, if you post an inappropriate image of yourself out there on Instagram, you will have to deal with the image’s existence for the rest of your life.  If you make an inappropriate comment and post it on social media, you will have to deal with the consequences for a long time.  You cannot control the life of a post, tweet, image, text, or email. Businesses and colleges conduct background checks on applicants.  They will check out who you are online.  You may not be able to get into college because of something you posted to social media years earlier.
​

Inappropriate social media behavior is prosecutable by law enforcement agencies. Not only can you be suspended from school, you can be charged with a crime.  If prosecuted for cyber bullying, you will be charged with a misdemeanor that will be on your juvenile record until you are eighteen.  As mentioned before, employers and colleges conduct background checks on their applicants.  You may be unable to get a job because of something you posted on Snapchat.  You may be unable to get a college scholarship because you tweeted a racial or threatening comment.  If you are prosecuted for online harassment or cyber bullying, the record of that prosecution will stay with you and limit your options until you are eighteen.  If what you do with social media is serious enough to result in a felony charge, it may stay on your record for the rest of your life. Your future could be radically changed by one text, tweet, or post.
​

As a school counselor, you already have lessons and activities that address cyber bullying and social media safety.  Simply work permanent, prosecutable, and painful into them. Most of the materials I’ve reviewed on cyber bullying are “light” and they simply do not bring home the severity of the consequences or the damage that can be done when social media is abused.  Use these three words to make your anti cyber bullying efforts more impactful, especially with older students. Work to get the whole staff on board with this language.

​You can reduce cyber bullying and online drama at your school.  It will take a very focused and targeted effort using specific language.  If the students hear it enough, in the same language, with the same consequences, by all their leadership, the message will get through.

Thanks so much for posting with us Keith! I think the message you drive home is really powerful. We can't just tell students that cyberbullying is inappropriate, we have to help them to learn the consequences for themselves and others. Keith has generously offered to give away TWO Anti-Bullying Resource Kits away. To enter, comment below with how your school addresses cyberbullying. Winners will be announced here on Monday, February 20th.

UPDATE: This giveaway is now closed, our winners are Laurel and Gretchen. Congrats!

I am very excited to have another guest post to share with you today!   Kathy Slattengren is an internationally recognized, inspirational parent educator and founder of Priceless Parenting. Priceless Parenting offers online parenting classes, parenting presentations and parent coaching.  With Kathy's support, parents learn to effectively handle misbehavior while building loving relationships. Today she's here to share best practices in helping parents to manage screen time. 

Do you ever see kids at school who you suspect are spending many hours a day on digital devices?  Would you like to talk to their parents about setting some healthy limits but aren’t sure what to say?  You’re wise to be tentative in approaching any parent about their parenting! 

​Parents want to be seen as competent.  When you approach them to discuss setting healthy limits on their kids’ media usage, you can easily trigger feelings of inadequacy and being judged.  Before parents can hear your message, they need to feel that you are on their side - trying to help them, not make them feel bad about their parenting.  

When you lead with empathy, parents will feel that you understand them.  Showing empathy will come more naturally when you keep in mind what the parent may be thinking and feeling.  Things like:

• My kids love being on screens.  If I try to take the screens away they get upset.
• My kids learn a lot using digital media.
• They fight less with each other and behave better when they have screens. 
• My kids use digital devices at school so I know it’s good for them.
• I’m busy and overwhelmed a lot of the time.  When my kids are on their screens, I can get some things done. 

Try opening with a comment that connects to the parent’s challenge in putting limits around screens.

• “Your son really loves playing Minecraft. I bet it’s hard when he needs to turn it off.”
• “Your daughter is so talented at using the iPhone!  What is her favorite thing to do on it?”
• “Parenting is a non-stop job!  What do you usually do when your kids are busy on their iPads?

 
Ideally the parent will respond with more information about how their kids use their digital devices.  This will allow you to ask questions and learn more about this parent’s thoughts on their kids’ media usage. After you establish a rapport you’ll be in a better position to offer guidance.  

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendations include avoiding television and other digital media for children younger than 2-years-old. This is primarily due to babies learning best through interacting with people.  It’s the back and forth communication that is essential for learning.
 
For older children, the AAP suggests limiting entertainment screen time -- including TV, video games and computer use -- to one to two hours a day.  Most kids far exceed these recommendations.  According to the AAP, “children are spending an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media, including televisions, computers, phones and other electronic devices”.

​While you cannot force parents to change their behavior, you can influence them by providing information.  Screens can be addicting for both kids and adults.  Some signs that it’s time to reduce the time kids are spending on media include:

• Spending less and less time with family and friends
• Difficulty focusing on the present moment due to craving video games or cellphones
• Withdrawing from sports, hobbies and social interactions
• Losing sleep due to gaming, texting
• Acting irritable or discontent when not using digital items
• Declining grades in school, missing school
• Talking and thinking obsessively about the digital activity
• Denying or minimizing any negative consequences
• Developing health issues such as Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, eye strain, weight gain, backaches

If parents respond that their kids will have a meltdown if they try to take away their screen time, you can agree that their children may get upset.  You can let them know that some parents seek help from a professional counselor or psychologist to help in setting limits.

​Providing some written information is a wonderful way to reinforce what you’ve discussed.  You are welcome to print out these flyers to give parents:  
​

• Healthy Use of Screens For Families
• Warning Signs of Too Much Screen Time for Kids
• Too Much Screen Time Hurts Babies

 
These flyers plus additional information is available on Priceless Parenting’s page for “Parenting Digital Kids”.

Researchers have found that children whose parents make an effort to limit media use spend less time with media than their peers.  Although children may resist efforts to reduce their screen time, the long term benefits are worth it!

Thanks Kathy! Don't forget to check out her website to find lots of free printables, resources, and ideas for working with parents. What's your screen time philosophy? In our household, we are a Saturday morning cartoon kind of family. Occasionally we will watch some TV during the week. If we need extra work time for mom and dad, we try to do iPad games instead of TV.

I'm happy to have another guest blogger today! Rachel Haltiwanger is an elementary ESL teacher in middle Tennessee, where she advocates for and works with English learners and refugees. She is passionate about helping English learners achieve their full potential. She blogs over at thecozylearningcottage.blogspot.com, where she shares tips and ideas for working with ESL students. You can also find her on twitter, pinterest, facebook, and teachers pay teachers. Rachel is sharing tips for supporting refugee students in your schools. ​

The refugee crisis has been in the news continually for months. As more and more people come fleeing violence, terror, and persecution, schools are encountering populations they have never worked with before. On my first day of teaching, fresh out of college, energetic, and starry-eyed, I walked into my room of second grade English learners only to discover that the majority of my students had relocated to the USA as refugees.
In some sense, refugee students are just like every other student in your school. They require high expectations, growth mindset, manageable goals, and quality and caring instruction but refugee students have some unique needs as well. School counselors are in a prime position to not only reach the needs of these children but to train and prepare their teachers and other staff at the school on how to work with these students effectively. Specifically, there are five areas in which refugee students may have different needs than their American-born peers:

The amount that US parents are expected to be involved in their child’s schooling is uncommon in many other cultures. As a result it may be seem that refugee parents are uninvolved, simply because they are used to a different level of parental involvement in school. Reach out to families early on, ideally with the aid of a translator/family liaison who can introduce parents to school policies and procedures, explain basic communication between school and home, and demonstrate how school "works" in your building. Parents have every right to understand what is happening at school and be supported in helping their children succeed. With their involvement and support students have a significant leg up in achieving their goals.

​By nature of their refugee status, many refugees have very few possessions and may have come from a significantly different climate than where they are now living. Students need appropriate jackets and shoes in the winter and may even need blankets for their homes. Keep an eye out for students who are wearing the same clothes every day or clothes that don’t fit, or perhaps lack basic school supplies. Students who are cold, hungry, tired, and dirty won’t be able to focus on their studies until their basic needs are met, so work on a way to provide for physical needs of these students (and their families) as well.

Refugee children have known fear and heartbreak in ways that their American teachers and friends may never know, and they have emotional scars as a result. Some refugees develop post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, from the trauma they have witnessed and experienced. I have created a “red flag” cheat sheet to check for signs and symptoms of excessive anxiety in school aged children. All refugee children will likely need some time to adjust and feel comfortable in school, and that is normal. School counselors can support school staff to identify red flags that indicate the child may need some more significant emotional and psychological help to process what they have lived through. Keep an eye out for these red flags in refugee children and share this document with their classroom teachers and others who work closely with them to be looking for as well. You can download the cheat sheet here.

​In addition to being unfamiliar with school culture, refugee students may not be familiar with other unspoken cultural norms. For example, in some cultures it is customary to stand much closer to another person while talking than it is in the US, and this may make some other students (and teachers) uncomfortable. In many other cultures, it is customary to point at things with your middle finger rather than your pointer finger. Rather than making fun of or humiliating the student, let them know that their way of doing things is good, but that we also do it differently here. Get to know students and learn as much about their culture as you can before assuming rudeness or defiance in the way they are behaving. In the same way, we can increase our cultural sensitivity by learning more about the child's culture and background.

 ​One of the best ways to welcome any new student into a class community is to let them share about things that are important to them and where they came from- the same is true for refugee students. Invite them to bring in any photos they might have or traditional clothing or toys. Let them teach the class how to say “Hello” in their language. Try some of the foods they may bring in for snack and lunch, and let the class ask them (appropriate, respectful) questions about where they came from and how things are different. Refugee children may being to consider their home culture and language as bad or “less than” American culture, which can pose problems in their homes and families as they grow. Celebrate the differences and diversity in your classroom and school.

​At the end of the day, refugee students are still students. They need to learn how to relate well to their peers, grow in knowledge and understanding, become confident in themselves as learners and as humans, and develop into their best and healthiest selves. There may be a few areas where they need extra support because of their history, but they are not too difficult or beyond helping. With the right help and direction, you will be amazed by how quickly they become thriving members of your classroom community.

Thanks so much Rachel! What a great reminder of the needs of refugee students as they enter our schools. If you haven't checked out Rachel's website The Cozy Learning Cottages, please do! You may have seen my pinterest feed lighting up with her many wonderful resources and I absolutely love the reason for her blog's name!

It's after spring break for most of us and the year will be over before we can blink twice. I love to end the year with a transition activity in each grade level. My flipbook would also work for classroom teachers or as a great end-of-the-year-I -have-a-wedding-to-go-to Sub Plan. 

In the schools where I have worked, we've always had step up day. On this day, each grade level would visit the next grade level and learn about that grade. The teachers usually made it fun to get the kids excited about the transition. For fifth graders, they were able to go to the gym and play games while step up day was occurring. I think it would be fun for classes to do a transition flipbook when they come back to their classrooms after Step Up Day. 

The top page of the flip book announces the next grade. Each subsequent page includes information about where the student is now (as a keepsake) and their goals, questions, and ideas about the next year. To wrap it up, we write a letter to next year's teacher. I really like doing the letter to the teacher because both teachers and students love it so much. The students because they feel like they can connect with their future teacher and the teachers because they get a glimpse into the student who will be in their class. I usually hold the letters until class lists come out in the fall and then give them to each teacher. Alternately, you could give the whole stack to the grade level chair to distribute when you return in the fall.

So, what do you do to help kids transition within the school? If you're interested in transition to middle school, you can see everything I do here.  There's even a middle school freebie for you to download! 

To purchase the Moving on Up Flipbook, please visit my TPT store.