That Thing We Don't Talk About

Recently, I was scrolling through social media and I saw a comment written by a school counselor friend that said "I can't tell you how many times I have been hit, kicked, scratched and bitten this year. Luckily, I haven't been spit or peed on." I read the comment and shook my head in sympathy and started to move on but realized that most of the general public would be shocked to find out that any school employee might be regularly hurt on the job by children. Often our youngest students are the least capable of handling the intense emotions that they experience not to mention trauma that may have triggered these emotions. That is why we have school counselors and that is why we are inspired to do this work every day.

But let's get real! It is no fun to go to work every day to be "hit, kicked, scratched and bitten." In fact, school counselors don't talk about it. No one in grad school told me that I might be physically assaulted at work. I remember a little girl that I worked with years ago who had many episodes of violent behavior per week. I would get in the car to go to work and my eyes would well up in tired tears thinking about what would happen once I arrived. It was hard. Really hard. Looking back, I know we did all the right things but this kiddo had some major needs that took a while to meet. So what to do when you are in the middle of this reality?

Get Training to Do it Right

Knowing that you might have to work with children who are hurting themselves or others, it's important to be trained in some type of crisis intervention. Many districts in my area use CPI Nonviolent Crisis Intervention but there are other resources out there. If you are unsure what your district has to offer, check with your special education department because they may offer something similar to your low-incidence teachers. It's important to be trained how to work with students to keep them (and you!) safe. 

Try to Avoid Crisis

That doesn't mean ignoring the phone or running past the classroom with a screaming child ;) Instead, try to help the child to calm down before they reach a crisis point if possible. Sometimes this means working with your classroom teachers to identify warning signs that a child is close to crisis. Sometimes it means using some in-the-moment crisis diffusing counselor tricks. Personally, I like the "help now" section of the iChill App. 

Take Time to Debrief

There's a reason that institutions like the Army and Red Cross debrief after an event. People need to talk about what they've been through and support one another. In addition, debriefing allows you to talk about what went well and what didn't. After my assistant principal and I spent around 3 hours with a student helping him to de-escalate and calm down, we went out separate ways to finish our day. The next morning, I went by her office and asked if we could talk about our work with this student. We had a great conversation where we talked about what worked and what didn't. We were able to be honest with one another and share some ideas for our future work together. We became a well oiled machine when working with a student in crisis. Our calm helped our students to feel safe with us and helped us to be better in the next crisis. 

Communicate

Debriefing happens with people who were there in the crisis or who may be there next time. It's also important to communicate with your colleagues about what you can handle and where you are emotionally and physically. Your administrators need to be made aware that a child has been violent so that they can assess staffing as appropriate. Of course, there are times when your own needs may not be met. Communicate that as well. Often we, as counselors, are the least likely to advocate for our own work. I speak to counselors all the time who, through lack of communication, have painted themselves in a corner where they are no longer productive for themselves or their students.

Take Time for Self Care

I'm starting to get to the point where I roll my eyes when I hear the phrase "self care." That said, it really is important. When you've spent your day physically protecting yourself and a child, it's important to think about what will fill your (now empty) bucket. Sitting on the couch watching mindless TV, exercise, or a mini shopping spree might work for you. Or not. Pick what would make you smile - or at least not grimace. After one particularly crazy morning with my student who had me tearing up in the mornings, I walked up to my principal and said "I'm done. I'm going home. I just can't." He looked at me and said "Seems like you've worked a full day to me." Yeah, he's a good guy.


So, what are your tips for handling that thing we don't talk about? What's your favorite self-care release?